Words Written: ~30k. I missed one day. ONE DAY.
Books Read: 18.
I'm on my way back. It started because I began making myself write everyday since New Year's. I'm not one for New Year's Resolutions. The only ones I really make are to read and write more. That's it. This is the sum of who I am. I'm just going to have to accept this.
It took a lot of going back. What went wrong? What set me down this path?
So, I looked at my writing files, the old ones, the finished ones. I looked back at the blog. I looked back at my Goodreads.
Apparently, my last good year was 2014. That was when I still read a lot, I wrote a lot. When I still had dreams? Before I graduated from university.
I've said it before, and I'll say it here, I regret going past an associate's degree. It wasn't worth debt. Nothing is worth going into debt over, and my student loans aren't even that bad compared to most (or literally everyone because mine are just at $10k.
But I can't go back in time and fix it. I can't even go back in time to slap my younger self. C'est la vie.
I'm doing a lot of re-reading. I spent most of last year re-reading stuff, and it seems like that will very much be the case this year.
One of them was the Study Series by Maria V. Snyder. Now, I had bought the newer books as they came out, but I didn't read them. They'd just been sitting on the shelf.
Stephen Lawhead's last book was in 2014. I think the last Dresden book that's not a comic was put out in 2014. How am I supposed to be okay when my favorite authors aren't putting out books? Granted, Lawhead's put out another one, just last year, and the next in the series comes out AT THE END OF THIS MONTH, but I digress. But I don't think it's coincidence.
Life still sucks. I wrecked my car at the end of November and still can't get a new one. I have very, very little going for me.
But I don't want to hang myself in the backyard anymore. The things that would set me off, that would have me wondering if we had rope anywhere don't do that anymore.
It's a terrible thing, to forget who you are. It's also pretty wonderful to remember and find yourself and follow your bliss again.
Oh yeah, and I had a blast in Scotland. It seems when all my other dreams were dead, I still held on to that one. And I want to go back. I want to go back So Bad.
