Friday, March 7, 2014

Loss of Momentum

I've hit a block since Tuesday.  I did some writing and read Fahrenheit 451 that day, but the days on my calendar look blank.  No marks of any kind on there except whether or not it's a class day or a work day or anything like that.

I haven't read anything, or haven't finished anything, but I know I haven't been reading much.  And I haven't been writing.

Some of it is laziness.   Okay, most of it is laziness.  And the rest is writer's block, which is its own kind of laziness.

My mind is a bit of a bouncy house.  I can spend hours in my own head, playing stuff out.  Sometimes it's productive, and I figure Story out.  Part of it is just me being me, and imagining a bunch of stuff that can happen in real life.  Part of it is mental planning for a presentation I have to do.

As I said, I can spend hours inside my own head.  Sometimes about something, other times about nothing at all, and it's hard to come back up again.

Have you ever been lost in your own mind?  You'd think I'd know my way around by now.  There's some familiar pathways, but when I start a new thread, heaven help me.

I got some Ben and Jerry's yesterday.

The problem, dearies, is that I don't deserve Ben and Jerry's.

I haven't been writing or reading or studying (well, I HAVE been trying to do my reading and my school work stuff).  I've mostly been wasting time around on the Internet if I haven't been trying to nap or if I wasn't at work or at school.

Next week is my spring break.  For me it started really, on Wednesday night, and I don't have to be in class again until the 17th.  However, "break" is relative, as I still have to work.  I don't hate my job like Squidward, because I do generally have a good attitude at work and I am good with the customers because I keep my rage on the inside, and I'm an introvert in a retail setting and oh-my-god, I need to finish school so I can get a job that isn't retail, or I need to write my book and sell it so I can say I'm a published author and that's my job and I don't have to deal with people...

Really, though, you can't get by without dealing with people.  I mean, I'm a psychology major.  Unless I go into the research field, that's a lot of dealing with people.  And their problems.  But considering I like the stories I hear, and think I can do that, and maybe even do it well, it won't be as bad.  The circumstances are different and all that.

Unfortunately, there are7 billion people in the world.  You have to interact with at least a million of them throughout your life.  Or maybe just a thousand or so.  I don't know.  I wouldn't dare list all of the people I've interacted with or just been in the same room with since I was born.  Frankly, I don't care.

 People are there.  Some are annoying.  Some are fascinating. 

But back to writer's block.  It's a special kind of laziness where I hit something and am delaying figuring out how I'm going to do this.  I mean, I know the short of what's going to happen.  I know the plotline, the stakes, and all that.  What I don't know is this particular scene.  What on earth was I thinking?  And all that jazz.

As far as the reading, I know what that is.  The heart wants what it wants.  I'm waiting on book 3 of Dragon Kin to make it to my door so I can gobble it up, and then read the rest of the series.  It's like the High Heels books from a few years back.

I need the next one.  I need the next one.  I need the next one.

Same with last year's Dresden Files.  Perfect pick-me-up.  Now, I'm kind of itching to start the next Cal Leandros book, and I will.  But I never start in the morning, and it's not the kind of book I want to read at night and all that...

Anyway, the heart wants what it wants.  I don't want to start any new books, because of the number of books on my currently-reading shelf, but I want to read these, and I don't feel like reading those right now...

You ever hear of book slut?  As much as I hate the term "slut," it's really fitting.  I always have a bunch of books going at once.  There's always one that I always go back to, and others that I speed right through and then just place back on the shelf.  Yes, book slut indeed.  Unfaithful, unstable reader that is me.

Bibliosexual needs to be a real term, in modern usage.  Sexually attracted to book characters, or just attracted.  You know you have been.

::cue Google search::

Regardless, I think this is just a rough spot.  February was a good month for me.  I probably just need a good mental break or something.  Or a mental breakdown.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going have a scoop of Ben and Jerry's, and then need to finish getting ready for work.

Note:  'bibliosexual' is in the Urban Dictionary, after a quick Google search.

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