Friday, February 20, 2015

Free of the Frames

I still try to push my glasses up my nose, even though I don't wear them anymore.

I can't blow my tea and watch them fog up anymore.

I still want to take them off at night, and reach for them when I wake up.

I don't recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror anymore.

I want to scratch under my eyes and still expect to meet plastic frames.

Yes, I wanted surgery.  No, I do not regret it.  I can see.  I can see in the freaking shower now.

But you have to understand something:  my glasses were as part of my identity as anything else.  I feel really weird now, though, because I love people with glasses, think guys with glasses are cute....

But I'm not wearing them anymore.  It's weird, and I feel kind of hypocritical.  If I liked them so much, why did I get rid of them?

They were a handicap.  Well, the glasses weren't my handicap.  My crappy vision was my handicap.  The glasses were just the crutch.

I had my first week post-op today.  Each eye on its own is about 20/25.  Together, they are about 20/20.  I'm certain there's some sensible explanation for that, but I can't tell you what it would be.  Stronger together than apart, I guess.  My eyes are still a little blurry when I wake up, and when I'm tired.  That, I think, is why I still reach for glasses or want to take them off.

It's weird.  I can see without glasses.  I don't need glasses.  I am free of the frames.

When I got my last set, the lady said they had someone get LASIK but she felt naked without them, so she had them make her a pair of falsies.

Honestly, my big thing, although this hasn't happened yet, is sunglasses.  I love big sunglasses.  I've never been able to wear them.  I want those big, diva-ish sunglasses that cover half my face.  And now I can finally get them.  I can go to the beach and not have to worry about my glasses or being able to swim.

That's my thing this summer.  I want to swim!  I can go to an amusement park and get on the roller coasters without worrying about my glasses falling off!

I'm thinking maybe I can start wearing make-up now.  At the same time, I'm like, why start now?  I mean, it would be kind of embarrassing to have crappy make-up at 22.  I mean, by this point, I'm supposed to have mastered this...  Or I could just keep my skin clear and grow my eyelashes the natural way.

I've always been a highly adaptable person.  Darwin's finest, I think.  I'm not particularly swift or strong, but I can adapt like nobody's business.  I think after a while, I'll be fine with this.  It's just this little transitionary period that I have to survive.

I am free of the glass windows that I've had to view the world in.

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