Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Some Thoughts about Real Life and Romantic Novels

Right on time for Valentine's Day (kind of), I find myself wondering how the romantic relationships the others around me have, and the not-so-romantic variety.

Again, I re-iterate:  I've never been so much as asked out.  My last crush on a real person in my real life was when I was fifteen.  The only thing I know about relationships is by watching those around me and by reading books.

I would like to think that, someday, maybe, perhaps, if a miracle takes place, there might just be someone out there for me that would actually love me with the fierce passion of that of Devil Cynster for Honoria Anstruther-Wetherby or any Laurens' hero for his heroine.  More likely, a smaller miracle, but a miracle nonetheless, would be someone who could tolerate me enough to marry me.

I see a lot of relationships that are less than ideal.  Married couples where one spouse ruins it for the other, and you wonder why they stay.  I see relationships where the passion has long faded.

I would like to think you have to take the good with the bad, and that nobody's perfect.  At the same time, how much is too much?

Personally, if a man ever laid a hand on me, God forgive me, I'd probably kill him.  But then, abusers are attracted to certain personalities, and "I don't take crap from anyone" rolls off me in waves, I'm sure.  But then again, I don't know.  It's not a situation I've ever dealt with.  I also personally think a woman should be allowed to kill her abusive husband.  It's legal to kill in self-defense isn't it?  Remind me to check my criminal justice textbooks.  But that's just me.

What about the irresponsible partner?  The cheater?  My speculation is that if you're not married to the person, why on earth stay?  In a marriage, fine, there's probably some kids and a lot of years to just throw it away.  It's probably too much trouble to throw it away.  I've heard people say they'd rather put up with some one's crap than be alone.  If you're unhappy, why stay?  If it's bad for you, why stay?

I don't believe life is about being happy.  A full life, yes, but not a happy one.  Full of change, happiness, sadness, crap, tough times, et cetera.

But I do not think we were put here to be happy all the time.  Pain is okay.  Life is pain.  Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.

You are promised pain and trials and tribulations from day one.  However, however, HOWEVER, I don't think you have to seek them out.  It's one thing to work hard to obtain a goal, it's one thing to stick by your family in tough times.

So perhaps it all does boil down to love, and in the case of marriages, that I do.  People are weird.  Relationships are weird.  Romance books are weird.

So, where does this leave me and my views about relationships?  In the books, the heroines have given up on marriage.  For whatever reason, they've decided marriage wasn't for them.  It takes the Right Guy to change her mind, to win her affections, to claim her heart.

Is that what I'm supposed to be waiting for?  Or to just wait until some passably suitable guy comes along?   Actually, there was this one time I was at work.  I'd just rung up this customer.  As he was leaving, he asked if I had a boyfriend or a husband.

This guy looked old enough to be my dad, okay?  I thought he was asking, trying to see just how young young people were settling down.

I smiled and said, "No, I'm single."

"Can I have your number?"

"You look a little old for me."

He said it was okay, and he left.  Wait, Jadi, guys don't think like that.  He was asking if you were available.  I was so proud of myself, though.  It was the first time a member of the male of the species had ever blatantly asked me for my number, and I'd said no.  I'm clearly not the desperate female I think I am.

Lacey comes up, and I tell her the story and the great news.  A look of absolute horror crosses her face.

"You said that?!"

Me:  "Was that bad?"

Lacey:  "Yes!  You don't say stuff like that!"

Me:  "Well, what was I supposed to say?"

And so it went.

As always, to each her own.  I think if I keep to that, I will quit trying to figure people out...but it's so much fun to try!  Why do we do the things we do?  Because we're people.  Because we're not perfect.

Because we probably have no idea what we're doing anyway.  Or I don't anyway.  Obviously.

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