Thursday, July 21, 2011

Some College Humor

ADMISSIONS TEST

Several colleges have started a pilot program that uses a simple group experiment with Legos as a replacement for the standard admissions test. The group must recreate a model of a robot in the next room, with only one team member allowed to view the robot at any one time.
Since different schools have different admissions requirements, the test has been generalized to meet the requirements of various schools:
ENGINEERING COLLEGE:   Build a real, working robot out of Legos.
LIBERAL ARTS COLLEGE:   Pick your favorite color of Lego block.
CULINARY COLLEGE:   Bake an Eggo that no one would want to Lego.
COMMUNITY COLLEGE:   Ring this box of Legos up on a cash register.
FLORIDA STATE UNIVERSITY:   Steal as many Legos as possible.



3 WISHES

Three students, a student from Tennessee, a student from Alabama, and a student from Auburn are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Tennessee student says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Tennessee."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, "FOOM," the land in Tennessee was forever made fertile for farming.
The Auburn student was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around the University of Auburn, so that nobody from out of state can come into our precious school."
Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye,"POOF," there was a huge wall around Auburn.
The Alabama student says, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it is about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the University of Auburn. Nothing can get in or out."
The Alabama student says, "Fill it with water."



PROFESSOR'S DEFINITIONS OF A KISS

Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways:
Prof. of Computer Science:
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.

Prof. of Algebra:
A kiss is two divided by nothing.

Prof. of Geometry:
A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.

Prof. of Physics:
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

Prof. of Chemistry:
A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.

Prof. of Zoology:
A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.

Prof. of Physiology:
A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.

Prof. of Dentistry:
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Prof. of Accountancy:
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

Prof. of Economics:
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.

Prof. of Statistics:
A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.

Prof. of Philosophy:
A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of English:
A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.

Prof. of Engineering:
Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.




THE COLLEGE DICTIONARY

CAFETERIA: From 2 Latin words, "cafe" meaning place to eat and "teria" meaning to wretch.
MAJOR:   Area of study that no longer interest you.
STUDENT ATHLETE:   See "contradiction in terms."
GRADE:   Unrealistic and limited measure of academic accomplishment.
SUMMER SCHOOL:   A viable alternative to a summer job.
QUARTER:   The most coveted form of currency on campus.
HUNGER:   Condition produced by five minutes of continuous studying.


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