Thursday, September 29, 2011

Are You Ever Self-Conscious?


I pulled out the book I'm reading, Love on the Line by Deeanne Gist, while I was in Bio Lab today.  You've heard me talk about her before probably.

Before you scold me, I wasn't reading while he was teaching.  I'd already looked at my slides, put my microscope away, and was waiting for the next part of class.

Well, anyway, Bio Prof came up to me and asked me what I was reading.

"A book that just came in."  Maybe had my Bio Prof was a woman, I may have said the title, that it was a historical romance, etc.

He told me it was good that I read and that I looked like a reader.  He pointed out that reading is supposed to put off Alzheimer's.  I remember doing some Googling a while back.  I never found confirmation of that and I told him that they disproved it, or that they couldn't prove it, something like that.  I Googled it again today and I couldn't find anything definite.  Although, I did find that they're studying to see if Vitamin B could put off Alzheimer's.

"What do you read?" he asked.  Before I could answer, he said, "Fiction?"

I nodded.

He told me he didn't like fiction because it's not true.  He likes true stuff.

Now, when the girl next to me asked about it, I just handed the book to her.  She's a girl, she understands.  Or at least I hoped she would.

"It looks good," she said.

"It is," I answered back.  I may have said Gist was one of my favorites, but anyway...

On MWFs, I got 4 textbooks and my binder in my backpack.  The last thing I want to add is more weight to it.  Those days, I just read from my Kindle App on my BB.  I can fit in that way.  People can think I'm doing whatever they please.  They see my staring at my phone, they think I'm like them, nobody asks me questions.  They don't know I'm undercover.

Honors-Meeting Tuesdays and every Thursday, my true colors shine.  I have a print book with those days.

After being surrounded by non-readers for years, I'm very defensive and close-mouthed about it.  Being  called, "Girl Who Reads," and people asking me why I read has left me very distrustful of a non-reader asking me about what I'm reading.  Even profs who are supposed to encourage it.  Because reading it good for you whether it puts off Alzheimer's or not.  It'll still sharpen your mind.

I've had enough of being picked on and the awkward questions.  While I haven't dealt with teasing in college, the high school years of teasing/not fitting in are still fresh.  It doesn't help that I'm still in a personal classroom setting and it's still a lot like high school.  

Please, non-reader, don't ask me about my book.  That was--for the most part, still is--my mindset.  Don't try to understand, because until a book casts its spell on you, you can't understand.  

Have you ever been self-conscious about what you read in public?  Are you not, but when someone asks you about it, do you become self-conscious?

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